I dyed my friend Maria’s hair black and I got dye on my hair and it’s not coming out. Also Maria was in the shower and Maya and I took her towels and clothing and omfg she was looking for them it was so funny. Now we are hiding in the cupboard under her stairs.
Today in my Social Studies class I was drinking tea and this really dumb kid asked if there are still kings and queens and I started choking on my tea and laughing.
I was tying to be quiet though. But omfg I am going to start quoting this idiot.
Jesez, a healthy individual, eats breakfast before going off to cure the leprosy for harlequin babies. First, he turns some water into some skimmed goat’s milk, to pour in his porridge. Jesez’ favourite topping for porridge is chopped dates and figs. He also snacks on some curd. When he noticed his face in the porridge, he smiled softly to himself.
After Jesez cures the babies of their monstrous illnesses, he has a sandwich on sourdough of yogurt cheese, and cherries, with some slices of sparrow. He is fed this by children, and small, cute lambs, while being fanned by his father, God, while his mum and his step-dad, Joseph give him foot rubs, and hand massages.
For lunch, Jesez has a salad of onion, celery, asparagus, with apples, and lamb (the same one that fed him the sandwich), dressed lightly with extra virgin (like his mum) olive oil. He washed it down with some apricot juice, and a biscuit with butter and plum. Then he sets off to exorcise a demon from an old woman, who also has leprosy, and punch Satan in the face.
While he worked on a chapter of his memoir, the Bible, Jesez had a snack. He had honey on unleavened bread, with some roasted asparagus, and a pigeon that he caught with his all-mighty hands.
After a long day of slaving (just kidding. Jesez had slaves to slave for him) he rode his segway back to his hut, and on the way he caught a fatted calf for dinner. He had his wife roast it with onion, and apple. That night, he supped on a glorious, god-given feast: roast calf with apple and onion, lentil and chickpea barley soup, asparagus, beets, and onion on a biscuit. For dessert, he had pomegranates, and apricos, and grapes, and cherries, and plums. He supped on melted curd and asparagus, on sourdough bread, millet, and bulger.
When he was done making more children to please God, his wife slathered some olive oil and honey on a slice of unleavened bread for him, and after a domesticaly violent incident, involved the beating of children, he turned all the water in the well into hard liquor, and he had 8 shots, and passed out on the gold-woven park bench, outside their hut, while his wife wiped the drool from his mouth with a silken cloth.